My name is Benjamin Linus, and I've lived on this
island- protected this island- all my life.
But for as long as it takes, I am now a dead man. Of course, if all goes
well, they will not know that.
They....these people that have wound up in our home. Today will likely
be the last day I can say that I've never met them...although thanks to
Mikail's brilliant research, I already have, in a way. What struggles
some of them have faced...what crimes they have committed. My best hope
is that I can find most of the people on the lists, and that'll make
things a lot easier. Those flawed, unpredictable people can wreck this
all in an instant... we're lucky to not have any of those types of
people at home, that's kept us going all these years.
But for once, I have to be selfish here. Put them all out of your
mind...this has to be done so I can stay alive. I'll only overcome the
tumor and everything else if every single little detail goes exactly as
planned....
There we go. After a few more minutes of burying myself into my
"character" I can feel confident enough to begin.....
.....well, so much for having time to prepare, thanks to some primitive
net. Why am I not surprised I couldn't avoid her?
There's no way she could remember me and all the pain one action I
committed 16 years ago has done to her...but just to be safe, I've
already had to start screaming and pleading for my life in character.
"My name is Henry Gale, I'm from Minnesota!"
Considering her isolation from civilization, I didn't feel the need to
put on a Minnesota accent for her- accuracy wouldn't make all that much
difference to her.
A whole night and half the day in here...where is all this going? She
can't keep me here forever, and she's already left somewhere. I'm the
only one in the world who would know the brilliant dramatic irony if she
was the one to do me in...if she only knew how much hurt she would be
causing Alex, of all people, by doing that. I almost feel tempted to
tell her right then and there.
But if I was that suicidal and thoughtless, there would be no so called
"Others" left on this island to begin with, would there?
Wait a minute...she's coming back with someone. Have to get back to
begging quick...
....but after I see she's brought Sayid Jarrah with her, I know in my
heart this won't end well.
Even as he cuts me down, I know he isn't the first person I wanted to
convince. Not only is he not on the lists, he might be the least
gullible and easy to fool person on that beach. His files all say that
he is crafty and intelligent and knows how to spot liars in a way that
only those who have seen- and committed- the worst horrors imaginable
can do. If I have to start off trying to convince him I'm Henry, he
might put me in too big of a hole for even me to get out of.
Shephard or Locke or Austin or even Reyes would have been much better
first contacts.
So I run and try to think of a place I can hide in long enough to alter
my strategy....
...but now, other than this sharp pain in my chest, I can't think of
anything....
************************************************
Is this what I think it is?
This is the infamous hatch the outsiders were so obsessed over all this
time?
Well, this is only a part of it- the more ominous part to keep prisoners
in, but still...
The pain is still almost unbearable, but not completely bad now. Not the
way I would have preferred to meet Shephard, but it's better than the
alternative. At least now he's had practice on healing me...I hope they
send him to talk to me, his support is absolutely crucial to everything.
From what I can hear behind this door, only Shephard, Locke, and Jarrah
are there. Locke....what a poor, poor specimen of a man he is...or was.
But I have to groan a bit- I can't share how much I need to know from
him without giving myself away. But how else will I know what I came
here to find out?
Unfortunately, from what I hear now between Locke and Jarrah, I don't
think I have to worry about that now.
That next noise must mean Locke's trying to change the combination, just
as Jarrah instructed....
...focus Henry, focus. You put your life, and the safety of your people,
on the line so you could pull this off. I'm just getting the greatest
challenge possible to that plan faster than I hoped.
Soon, I am calm again. I survive because I am calm. Because I have the
mindset to think of things no other man has the tools or patience to
plan for. And after a few minutes of remembering who I am, and who
Jarrah is, I am ready.
I count my blessings that I am already experienced in so many forms of
pain in my life, before Jarrah comes in to undoubtly show me his forms.
I feed him the life story of Henry Gale that I know from his wallet, and
from Mikail's research. He really was an unfortunate man, and I feel
some moments of pity for him as I talk. Actually, that helps me get
deeper into character, so this must be a good start.
Then he feeds me his history of torture as if I haven't become intimately
aware of it over the last two weeks....but hearing him say it, and
seeing the dead look in his eyes, is quite different than reading about
it. Far too different for my tastes...
...but I know what has to happen now. If I'm going to make Shephard and
Locke believe I'm innocent....Jarrah must overreact and lose it to such
an extent that I will look innocent by comparison. His own state of mind
must be cast in such doubt that I become the victim.
And by leading him towards a discussion as to where Henry's wife was
buried, I know I have him at that perfect spot.
For a moment, as I hear him take out his rage for Rutherford's death, I
feel another surge of pity for him- despite his flawed and violent
character.
Ana-Lucia....her murders caused him pain just as they caused pain to
Juliet, and then to me....I make a note to hope she comes by so I can
"thank" her for what she's done.
Right before the first of his fists crush my face.
I distract myself by thinking of Juliet, my people, and all the things
that have inspired me to lead and carry on for them, in spite of
everything I've done and seen....in my own way, I am as much a war
veteran as Sayid. I just didn't let myself become as course and furious
as he did. I still have enough honor and honesty to know how wrong
taking out anger on someone that had nothing to do with that anger is.
But of course, it helps my innocence that he doesn't have that self
restraint in him, so I put that aside as a tooth comes loose.
The noise of what must be the famous button and it's timer also fills
the room for a while- another thing I must pay close attention to
later....if I can still breathe for much longer.
Ah, the door....Shephard's voice...it's almost over now. He pulls Jarrah
away now....the damage to my body is only a little worse than I
expected.
But now I know Shephard is on my side, or at least doesn't have the
damaged morals to let this continue. That is the best advantage possible
right now...such long talks I had with Jacob as to why he wasn't on his
list.
I feel the oddest sense of victory- and I think some of that was seen on
my face by Jarrah right before Shephard closed the door. But that
doesn't matter. I've already made him look foolish and vengeful for
thinking I'm "one of them"
I lean my head back and grit my teeth, the ones that don't feel loose
and bloody right now.
This wasn't how I wanted to meet them....but I think I can get something
out of this after all. I'm sure to have enough solitude over the next
day or two to think of something.
I'll know what I want to know from them soon enough....and accomplish
what I have to somehow. There is a way to do that, and I know I have the
tools to find it. They're doomed to what I have planned for them, and
none of them, not even Jarrah, can possibly see it coming.
All in all....not a bad first day.
The promise of day 1 is taking a little longer than
I'd like to reveal itself. It appears the roles have switched somehow,
now Locke seems to be going against my treatment while Shephard is
acting as my jailer. Naturally, anything Locke says, Shephard says the
opposite- they really do have a petty, snippy little feud going on.
Quite annoying and counterproductive for them, really. At least we have
the sense to work out any feuds we have peacefully and reasonably.
But again, because they don't have the restraint to hold back their
negative traits and hostility, it's something I can use. I don't know
how, and I don't know who I should pretend to take sides with yet, but
I'll have to decide soon.
Perhaps the hardest thing for me to do is not laugh when I ask Locke for
a Stephen King book. I'm glad that, at this point, I can still find
private humor in the most unlikely place. It shows I'm still in the
right state of mind to do this.
I thought I heard a deep voice coming in while Shephard keeps an eye on
me in the bathroom....it must be the Mr. Eko that Goodwin told me about.
The other person from the "Tail section" that killed one of
us. At least he had the sense to feel guilty for it later on, unlike
that other one.
After finding out about him, and listening to Mikail's occasional
complaint on how hard it was to get info on him, it really was startling
how he could have gone either way on the list. Goodwin could have easily
put him on there, and considering how he had repented for his evil
actions, he might have had a case. But the fact is, he still killed
people and set his brother's death in motion- no matter how he's found
God and beat himself up over it since, there's still a killer in him at
heart. You can't hide that sort of thing away, even if you try to.
So when he comes in to see me later in the day, I have no idea which way
this could go.
When he tells me about how he killed two of us....actually hearing how
they died from the murdered himself gets to me. I didn't know them that
well, not as well as I knew Ethan or Goodwin or Tom. But when one of us
is unfairly taken away, it always hurts me and everyone in our
community. The wars and battles and fights for our rights to even exist
have taught me the value of life, at least for those that deserve to
live. All those we had to kill never deserved that protection. They
earned their fate- our people didn't.
But Eko seems to know that somehow- I'm certainly happy he used that
knife of his on his beard instead of other places. He leaves me as I
feel a bit of fear through my veins- both from the chills his story
about my people's death gave me, and from the knowledge that I have to
work extra hard to avoid that myself.
I won't leave Juliet, or Jacob, or anyone else, behind that way. I
can't...not now.
Locke comes in, and I know I have to get to work now. No more waiting or
playing around- it's time to do what I do best.
Exploiting Locke's jealousy and feud with Jack wasn't the hardest thing
to do at all, not by a long shot. But when I hear him smash dishes
because of what I said, I don't care- whatever works will have to do for
now.
Three days now. Slow, but steady progress is being
made to make Locke fed up with this whole thing, and to cause
frustration for Shephard as well. But now, as I see that woman come in
to talk to me, I know the time for slow progress is over.
It's now time to bring out the balloon story.
First I let her talk to me about her own experiences...and it doesn't
take her long to recall one I know all too intimately.
"On the other side of the island there was this guy with us. I was
100 percent convinced that he wasn't on the plane. So I dug a hole and I
threw him in it."
"And what happened?", as if Nathan's fate wasn't etched in my
brain.
"I was wrong. And now he's dead... but good news for you Henry, I
don't make the same mistake twice."
Too bad making that mistake once led to some rather painful and cruel
consequences....as much as my detest for the woman was starting to seep
in, I knew that had to be kept under control. At least while I could
still use her to create a big victory for my side.
It goes perfectly, as expected. I convince her that it was her idea to
let me draw a map to Henry's balloon. She takes it and goes soon enough.
I can now relax- she'll find the balloon and the grave for "my
wife" easily enough, and that'll be enough for her. She was never a
good enough cop to detect things right under her nose- when she leaves
before even checking the grave itself, my troubles will be over.
With that, I feel strangely confident when Jack comes to ask me for
breakfast. I suppose a sign of that would be that I feel free to refer
to him as Jack now. John is already there waiting for us.
By the end of the day, Ana Lucia will be back to tell them that she
found the balloon. Unless she brought someone skilled like Sayid, with
her- and there's no way she would be that stupid to spend close time
with him, after all she put him through. Eliminating that remote
possibility, I should be just fine. They'll believe I'm innocent, and
then I can use that guilt to make Jack fix me. Lead him on to believe I
have back pain, then he'll find my tumor, and he'll cure me after a few
reminders of what he let happen to me. If his father could manipulate
him that easily over the year, I should have no problem.
So it's with that burst of confidence and satisfaction that I decide to
have a little fun.
"I guess I earned myself some good will for finally drawing that
map for Ana."
"What map?", asks John.
"To my balloon", I answer. After that, I put together one of
my better little stories.
"Wow, you guys have some real trust issues, don't you? Guess it
makes sense she didn't tell you. I mean, with the two of you fighting
all the time. Of course, if I was one of them, these people that you
seem to think are your enemies, what would I do? Well, there'd be no
balloon, so I'd draw a map to a real secluded place like a cave or some
underbrush... good place for a trap... an ambush."
Of course that's not going to happen- even if Juliet or Tom or anyone
else who's taken charge since I left was thinking along those lines,
they probably couldn't put together an ambush this quickly. Besides,
they all have Michael to be concerned about at this point. But I go on,
with no one else seeing the humor in this but me.
"And when your friends got there a bunch of my people would be
waiting for them. Then they'd use them to trade for me."
Once again, I marvel at how easily it is to make these two believe
anything. I let myself laugh, but not for the reasons I tell them.
"I guess it's a good thing I'm not one of them, huh?"
I don't normally like to brag or lord over my knowledge to people-
that's so undignified and creates negative feelings that are just
damaging in the long run. Jack often has that problem, and look how it's
helped him with John. But, seeing as how things are finally looking up
for me, for the first time since I found out I had cancer....I want to
savor my feelings of being happy.
Sometimes I wondered if I would be healthy enough to feel that way
again. Now I have a small light at the end of the tunnel- no matter how
small it is, I want to savor it and let it win me over.
This crazy turn of events just might work after all.
"You guys got any milk?"
Perhaps my happiness wasn't the best feeling to rely on.
Jack and John went into another one of their little spats, and once more
I called John out on it. He is one of the good ones, and I still need
him badly in case things don't work out here. Even if they don't, he's
still extremely important, maybe even more so than Jack- even though he
still has to save my life.
But John is in no mood to listen to me now. I pushed one of his buttons
too strongly and he just threw me back inside the armory. I say
"I'm sorry" and I think I actually meant it for a while.
Now there's nothing left but to stay quiet, hope Ana Lucia returns soon
with the good news, and salvage what I can from this latest turn.
"20 minutes to lockdown"
Now that's something even I didn't expect.
"17 minutes to lockdown"
The outsiders knew a hell of a lot more about this place than I do, so
this is beyond my comprehension. I call out to John, in case he knows
something, but he's still in no mood to hear me.
The voice continues to count down to something I can't understand. I
feel nervous, and this time it's not an act. The last thing I need now
is one more obstacle, when I'm so close to pulling this off.
"Maybe you should get Jack?" It's unlikely he could help, but
best not to risk it. However, this makes John snap.
"I said, shut up!!!"
Before he can go on, the strangest set of noises are heard.
"What happened?"
It takes a while before John regains the patience to tell me.
So, the hatch is locked down- well, obviously that's not good. Even if
I'm set free, I can't go free if there's no way out. I'll have to find a
way to fix that...and I do need to start getting on John's good side
right about now. Once more, fate has given me a chance to fix problems
in ways I didn't think of.
But first, I need to make sure John will protect me, just in case my
confidence in Ana Lucia's lack of skills is misguided.
"And if I do help you get these doors up then you're just going to
lock me back in here, aren't you?"
"That's right", I can only hear John say.
"Then I'm going to need your word, John. I'm going to need your
word that you won't let your people do anything to me."
"Well, if you're who you say you are then what are you worried
about?" I really shouldn't be that worried...but I have to be absolutely
sure in case I have reason to be. I never do things without planning
ahead for the worst, and this isn't the time to break that trend.
"Things have happened to them... things that I have nothing to do
with. But they've got no one to blame except for me. So I'm going to
need your word that you'll protect me, no matter what."
When John opens the door, I know I'm just one good sentence away from
getting that word. "Who are you?"
"My name is Henry Gale. I'm from Minnesota. And I crashed on this
island just like you."
That's more than good enough for John. Now I just figure out how to help
him with the hatch, and it's smooth sailing from then on in.
Unfortunately, our first effort is nowhere near smooth sailing.
When that hatch door crushes John's legs, I honestly feel concern.
I should feel jealously and contempt that the island has healed him and
not me, but I strangely don't. Out of all these visitors, he's the only
one even close to understand the kind of life and heartache I've lived
with. But he's found the kind of redemption and happiness that have
eluded me every time they've come close.
The happiness that was taken away when the outsiders came. The happiness
I felt after the Purge was taken away with all the loss of life we had
suffered. The happiness in finding a companion and friend in Juliet that
was taken away through our troubled history. The happiness in building a
community and home for ourselves that was damaged when our women stopped
giving birth, and endangered our hopes to carry on for generations.
Whenever I felt life was finally ready to let us feel real joy for a
long period of time, something always went wrong.
If any one of these new outsiders could understand that, John Locke
could.
At the moment when it looked like he might never walk
again....again....I decided I had to do something for him. I was going
to anyway, once I won him over and showed him the "Man from Tallahassee"
when we returned. But in case I never got the chance to do that, I was
going to help him through this as a consolation.
When he told me about the "button", I figured I had that
chance now.
He told me to go in through the grates and push it, and after some
difficulty- and a bit of unconsciousness from that clumsy fall- I got
there just as the timer hit one minute. That alarm I heard on my first
day was going off, and I tried to block it out to think of my options.
I had promised myself I would help John, I figured I could do that by
opening the door and letting him walk free. Then when the lockdown was
finished, I would escape and go home myself. As for the button- who knew
if it was as real as they said it was? Who knew if pushing it could
really save the world? Considering all the damage and evil they had
done, I wouldn't put it past them to be that reckless, though. The
uncaring little...
...but this was no time for bitter curses. What would be the best course
of action?
As the lights go off and the time gets close to zero, I figure it's not
best to take chances that they were right.
I let enough time go by, then I press the numbers John told me to type,
and hit the execute button. After a while, everything returns to normal,
and the door even start to open. I killed both birds with one press of a
button.
But now the last question was, should I take this chance and go now?
John would be okay, he could still crawl and Jack would likely fix him,
despite his constant annoying tirades about him. I could head back home
before anyone found me, and recover in a hurry to try again.
No.
I go home now, I would have wasted all my time for nothing. I still
didn't have Jack on my side enough to make him help me, John was still
very much needed, and I didn't have a whole lot of time to think of some
other plan. I would be found innocent soon enough- and even if not, if I
stayed anyway, I could still endure myself enough to John to keep him as
an ally. Above all but one thing, I needed that.
So when I see John crawling to the computer, I decide to risk it.
"What, did you think I was going to leave you here? Come on, can
you stand?"
I help him up and explain to him the truth about what I did- now
comfortable enough to actually start telling the truth.
"You think it was all just random?"
"Don't look at me, it's your hatch."
We almost share a laugh together- until the angry words "Get away
from him!" are barked at me from Jack.
He grabs me....and then I see Sayid with a gun. What in the world is he
doing here?! He wasn't supposed to be involved in any of this!
I ask the only thing I can ask right now. "Couldn't you find my
balloon?"
Ana-Lucia says "Yeah, we found it." I feel relieved for a very
brief second....until I note that she said "We" So she brought
help after all? Is that why Sayid is here?!
At that moment, I don't feel all that well.
"We did find your balloon, Henry Gale, exactly how you described
it. We also found the grave you described... your wife's grave. The
grave you said you dug with your own bare hands. It was all there. Your
whole story, your alibi, it was true. But still I did not believe it to
be true."
I now know the exact series of events that's coming next. Damn that
woman for bringing him....as if she wasn't damned enough.
"So I dug up that grave and found that there was not a woman
inside. There was a man."
He pulls out the drivers license and I only look at it for formality's
sake. I know full well what it says, but he tells me anyway.
"A man named Henry Gale."
For once, being a good guy has come back to hurt me.
Well, at least they bothered to stretch my arms out when tying me up
this time.
Of all people they sent to break me down further, naturally they send
Sayid and Ana Lucia. As much as they've managed to destroy most of what
I've worked for, I know I have to stay calm. Don't give them reason to
get worked up further...just calmly explain your backup story and see
what to do next.
I explain how we found Henry- then Sayid gets that damned note Henry
wrote before he died out. And I thought I was nitpicky.
Surely there's another backup explanation, another story I have left to
buy me some more time. But Sayid keeps asking more and more questions
about us, and I can't think of anything. I have to feed him something,
so I say the first thing I can think of.
"If I told you about them... you have no idea what he'll do!"
I had no idea if I was referring to myself or Jacob at this point, and I
was losing my ability to care by the second. Then Ana Lucia cluelessly
assumed I was talking about Tom, of all people. They really hadn't
gotten anywhere in their research yet, had they?
"He's no one! Nothing!"
I'm running out of ways to excuse myself, and then he makes it worse by
pulling a gun. I knew coming into this I might get threatened or beaten
up, and I had. I knew there was a chance they might even use a gun, if
they had some- but knowing it and having it happen right now were two
different feelings. And I hated the difference very much.
So this is what it's like to fear for your life...
"He'll kill me!"
"I'll kill you!"
Not like this....
"You can't do this!"
Juliet, Jacob, my friends....this can't be how I failed them....I'm not
supposed to die like this!
"I AM NOT A BAD PERSON!!!"
The sound of the gun forces me to prepare for the afterlife...but when I
open my eyes, it looks exactly the same as the armory. Judging from Ana
Lucia's angry look at Sayid, she must have stopped the shot in time.
I'm mixed about how to feel that she was my savior. However, I'm not so
far gone in my fear that I can't be somewhat of a gentleman.
"Thank you"
And of course, as I should have expected, I just get a "Shut
up" in return.
I spend the next few hours regaining my strength in solitude. Fear turns
to anger quicker than I thought...of all people to condemn me, how dare
it was those two.
These people are lucky to be alive, and instead of counting their
blessings and caring about their own fates, they persecute me and my
people. If they only knew how their own actions provoked Ethan to go so
far against Claire and Charlie, then they'd feel differently about what
they did to him. If they knew how we were caring for children and giving
them the family and love they would never have had on the beaches, then
they'd think twice about using that as an excuse. If they only knew how
special Walt was, they would know why what we did had to be done.
But I can't tell them without giving away everything, and therefore
putting everything we've worked for in danger. They wouldn't understand.
They would get in the way. And all the bad people would be too much
trouble...there are so many more of those than I thought...or maybe they
all are rotten and some are just more subtle about it.
Well, I'm just about done trying to explain myself to them. If they
insist on treating me like a monster or a savage, then I'm going to have
to treat them as such.
My only hope now is to keep them off balance....make them uneasy and
doubtful....trick them into making a mistake and lose control. Then I'll
have a better angle on what to do.
And then comes John- as much as I need him, I have no choice. I have to
force him to believe the worst, then hope he makes enough of a mistake
for me to take advantage of. I'll make it up to him later, if the best
still happens.
"Did you get caught on purpose? You and your people have been here
for God knows how long and you got caught in a net..."
"God doesn't know how long we've been here, John. He can't see this
island any better than the rest of the world can." At least I'm
able to start off with a bit of the truth.
"May I ask you a question? What possible reason could I have for
putting myself through all this?"
"Maybe your people were looking for this place." This is as
good an opening to make him question things as any.
"This place is a joke, John. I crawled through your vents and I
stood at your computer as the alarm beeped. And you know what happened?
The timer went all the way down to zero, and then some funny red
pictures flipped up in its place. They looked like hieroglyphics, but
I'm no expert. And then things got real interesting. There was a loud
clunking and a hum like a magnet... a big magnet. It was really very
frightening. And you know what happened next? Nothing happened, John.
Nothing happened at all. Your timer just flipped back to 108. I never
entered the numbers. I never pressed the button."
It might have been a dumb lie- without full knowledge of what would
happen if that thing wasn't pushed, of course I couldn't take chances. I
have more common sense than that. But I knew how important it was to
John, how much he has staked his entire belief system on it. If telling
a lie that would shake his very core could give me a better chance to
worm out of this....so be it.
John may be one of the good ones, but there are too many of the bad ones
here to overshadow that. He must suffer for their sins...if only for a
while.
"You're lying." Hopefully you won't know how right you are
just yet.
"No...I'm done lying."
Unfortunately, I knew that statement in of itself, was going to have to
be a lie.
Two days without a word. Of all the plans I could have thought of to
catch them off balance, maybe it wasn't the best choice. But this little
silence strike and hunger strike would have to settle for the time
being. Though I really should have thought of a better idea by
now...maybe they really are getting to me.
Jack, to his somewhat credit, is now here to touch up my wounds. I let
him talk about whatever's on his mind, I have no reason to stop him. He
then mentions that little fake situation I created at breakfast- where
my people would trap their people and force a trade. Now I'm feeling
more upset that they couldn't make that happen for real- but Jack think
he'll have more luck.
Trading me for Walt...perhaps he really thought that would work. He had
no idea what was going on, and what still needed to be done with him-
there was no way they could part with him now, not when it wasn't
finished. I decide I might as well say something to that effect, though
there's no way he'll take it seriously.
"They'll never give you Walt."
I could at least take solace that my people were too smart for that.
More satisfaction came later in the day. My earlier plan worked- John is
indeed ready to crack, wondering if I pressed his precious button.
"Henry, can you hear me? It's John, Henry. Henry, did you enter the
numbers? Did you push the button or not?!"
At that moment, I no longer care that it's John who's hurt this much. At
that moment, after everything they've done to me, after all the gall
they've had to accuse me and call me untrue names...I take just as much
pleasure from his misfortune as I would with one of the bad ones.
"Henry, I need to know. I want you to answer me. Answer me!"
I smile the cruelest smile I can. I'll worry about what that says about
me later.
For now, I want one moment where I can say I won.
I need it to keep going in the face of an ever tightening noose.
But if I get out of it...I won't hesitate to put it around them anymore.
Another day goes by. My nasty mood is subdued for a bit, so I resume
staying quiet and waiting for any more openings I can take. Until I have
a better grip on things, I remain quiet.
Ah...now they send Ana Lucia to talk to me again. This should be good.
"Hey Henry. What do you say? How long you gonna keep up this hunger
strike, Henry? I ever tell you I was a cop?"
No, but I know enough about your dead baby, and your murder of the man
responsible, and your police captain mother to get an idea.
"I've been around a lot of killers in my life."
Oh, the things I could say about that if I wanted to....she has the
nerve to talk about killers after all she's done.
"You know what surprises me the most about them? How much they love
to talk."
The arrogance to assume she knows me....I can afford to judge her
because I know what she is, through extensive research and the pain
she's caused. She has no such resources, yet she dares to think she can
judge me.
The cries of Juliet after we found Goodwin's body come to mind now...
"But you're different, Henry. Hmmm. Quiet."
Different than the man you impaled? Than the two other people you
murdered? Than the man your fellow survivors saw fit to kill, after they
already beat him?
I'm not staying quiet to hear any more of this.
I want at least one shot at her before I meet my fate- this may be my
only chance to speak for Goodwin and Ethan. I will not delay it any
longer.
I mumble gibberish under my breath to draw her close- then I strike.
"You killed two of us!" I yell as I get a grip on her neck.
"Good people who were leaving you alone!"
I lose myself to my bitterness in a way I haven't done since the Purge.
After all this, I have to let it out somehow, and no one deserves it
more than her.
"You're...the killer....Ana Lucia."
Even if my end is coming soon, I will not meet it knowing I didn't
avenge her damage to our family....no matter who Goodwin and Ethan were,
they were two of us, and they had no right to die that way. And I don't
care right now that Ana Lucia never met Ethan.
I see her start to lose her breath...only 5 or 10 more seconds and I'll
have her...
....but a large crutch stops me before I get close...
....I come to and figure out John must have done that, then see the new
position they tied me up in.
And right on cue, John comes to see it too.
I didn't succeed, but I think I got enough of my fury out of the way. I
think now I can speak to John as a regular person again.
"If you've come to apologize, I forgive you for hitting me with
your crutch. I'm so glad my head didn't break it." I suppose the
fact I can joke again means I'm in the right state of mind.
Then John asks why I tried to attack her and not him. And why I didn't
leave him at the hatch.
Now I realize I can finally be somewhat honest with him.
"Because you're one of the good ones, John."
"What? A good what?"
I sigh a bit, knowing that even if I could explain myself fully to him,
there wasn't nearly enough time left for it. "None of this matters,
I'm dead anyway. Doctor's gone to make a trade and we both know hell
come back empty handed and then I've lost my value. So either Jack comes
back and kills me or my people find out where I'm being held and they do
it."
Would they really? Only Jacob could make them do that, and I have no
idea what he could be thinking right now, or how much he knows. Hell, I
barely know what to say anymore. But I chose this angle, so I might as
well run with it.
"The man in charge... he's a great man, John... a brilliant man...
but he is not a forgiving man. He'll kill me because I failed, John. I
failed my mission."
At the very least, I could be halfway honest about this, which was
better than nothing.
"When that woman caught me in her trap, I was on my way here, John.
I was coming for you."
Naturally, the next words come not from John, but Jack. Of course...the
one chance I have to really accomplish something, and we're interrupted.
He leaves me behind once more, thought not without some reluctance.
Now I have to stay alive long enough for him to want more answers.
The odds of me doing that are getting just a little bit longer by the
minute.
After a few more tedious hours, Ana Lucia is the next to visit. It
doesn't take me long to notice the knife.
She orders me to cut myself loose, and after I ask, I immediately figure
out why she said "You know why" I should have known it'd be
her.
I only see one more play left- something Goodwin said. Either it would
appeal to whatever character she had left, or at the least, I could
needle her with the guilt she deserved.
"You were saying you were misunderstood. Goodwin. Yes, he told us
all about you Ana. How he thought you were worthy, that he could change
you... but he was wrong. And it cost him his life."
"He was going to kill me." Still the same old narrow minded,
act before you think person...so much for any more character left.
"Are you done?"
Now I almost feel like accepting the fact that for the first time ever-
I have no backup plans left.
"Yes Ana...I'm done."
No one else is here. No one's coming in at the last minute. Nothing is
left to appeal to this woman.
This time, it really is over.
"So this is it, huh?"
"Yes, Henry, this is it."
I've never been a praying man, but I let one form in my head...hoping
that someone or something will take care of all the people I care for in
my absence.
I gambled on a strategy that really was too complicated and stupid, now
that I only have a few seconds left to think about it. And this is how
I'm repaid for it.
If only Ethan hadn't overreacted in taking Claire, then we wouldn't be
demonized by them and I could have reasoned with them! When I see that
man after this is over...
...no. I can't spend my last seconds in bitterness. If I have to leave
this world, I will do it with the dignity and strength I've been taught
to exude all my life. It got me this far....farther than I ever should
have lasted.
I take one last breath....now I think I'm ready.
Goodbye, my home....my Juliet....Jacob....all those I wish all the luck
in the world to now.
15 minutes later, I still remain shocked that those weren't the last
thoughts I ever had.
*****************************************
A shot finally rings out.
After a few more seconds, I hear another.
As if enough weird things hadn't happened near me today.
I hear the door open. Has Ana Lucia changed her mind already.
Then I see how wrong I am.
Michael...
.....how is he here...
...did he escape...
...why does he have her gun...
The smell of blood clues me in and fills me up with the first signs of
hope in days.
Our backup plan worked.
They broke him.
They really forced him to do it.
The key to my salvation is really at hand.
He shoots himself and falls to his knees, and without a word I allow
myself to walk away. He doesn't make one move towards me.
The bodies of Ana Lucia and what looks to be that Libby girl are
littered nearby. Whatever questions I have about them, I'll have
answered as soon as I return home.
And that's where I'm headed. So soon after I know I'm gonna die...I now
know I'm coming home.
After I see everyone again and work out the new plan to make him bring
Jack and Kate and Sawyer there, everything will proceed the right way
after all.
As I leave the hatch for what I hope is the last time, I smile for the
first time in almost ages. The first real happy smile, I mean.
I have been blessed.
I have been saved.
I can go home.
Now all that's left is to ensure everything goes right in the second
effort to keep me alive even further.
When I arrive on the dock, I see everything looks exactly as it should
be.
Tom, Bea, and the others have Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hugo in perfect
position. Michael is there, having played his part to a T.
I am almost amazed that something actually went as planned, after all
the missteps of the first plan.
But I'm not going to deride good fortune when it finally arrives. After
a brief hello to Jack, I notice Tom's costume looks off.
"Where's your beard?" Sometimes I wondered why I insisted they
dress this way when they go out on assignment. But it keeps our targets
thinking we're uneducated, hillbilly types, and that keeps them from
spotting our sophisticated equipment and work until we want them to see
it. Keeps things simple.
But it seems they know about that now, so no sense worrying about it. I
just need to finish the deal with Michael, and we're all set.
And then the sky turns purple....
It's the hatch. I don't know what caused it, but nothing else could make
that happen. Why didn't John press the button like always? Did something
happen after I left?
What was this anomaly going to do for our plans?
If it was going to have any instant effect, I had to see it for myself.
I stare at it dead on, looking for any possible results, ready for
anything that might happen. I don't move a muscle because I don't want
to miss whatever happens.
But after a while, the color disappears, and nothing appears to have
changed.
I decide that if anything did happen, I would find out and worry about
it when we got to the other island. We still had to handle a few things
here first. I wouldn't let anything sidetrack me or cause distractions
this time.
"I'm not happy about the arrangement that was made with you
Michael, but we got more than we bargained for when Walt joined us, so I
suppose this is what's best. And you let me go, set me free... you lived
up to your word. We live up to our word, too." At least we knew
that nothing awful would happen by doing so here.
"Do you know how to drive a boat? You're going to take this boat
and follow a compass bearing of 325, and if you do that exactly, you and
your son will find rescue." After the recent incident, I don't
exactly know for sure if that's true now. But it should be- either way,
it won't cause too much harm.
"How do you know I won't tell people about where I was?"
"Maybe you will, maybe you won't. But it won't matter. Once you
leave, you'll never be able to get back here. And my hunch is you won't
say a word to anybody because if you do, people will find out what you
did to get your son back." With that, I know Michael's officially
no longer a threat.
"Who are you people?"
I say the most honest thing I've ever said in my life.
"We're the good guys, Michael."
After I left him have the boat, I give him privacy to have his reunion
with Walt. I almost wish there was a way I could see what would happen
to Walt, after everything that's happened...but that wouldn't be
productive. We got what we needed, and it'll be every bit as valuable as
we hoped later on.
Now it's time to focus on the essentials for the here and now. I still
had a spine that needed fixing, and I still had to ensure Jack would
take the job. Hugo is assigned to go back and tell no one to find us,
not that they even could. But no sense leaving any loose ends tied up.
Once he leaves, we know our business is done here. The hoods are put on
our remaining captives. Juliet's made all the arrangement for their
stay, and she'll meet us when the sub gets there.
I hope we have at least a few quiet moments together before the work can
really begin. But if it doesn't work that way, I can't let that get to
me now.
This time I have set up a situation that will end in my life being
saved. And this time, as they are loaded onto the sub, I know I won't
make the same amount of mistake as before.
This time all will go as planned...no matter what has to be done to them
to get there.
I leave my beloved island for what will hopefully not be the last time,
and then head to find a comfy bed for the trip....
(Author's Note: There's already been a short
story showing Ben's p.o.v in the opening flashback, so I'll just handle
the present day stuff.)
It's refreshing to have everything go smoothly. Jack is in the
underwater cell, and Juliet should be set to begin questioning him by
now. Kate and James will also be set soon enough.
I have a lot I need to do with Jack and there's little time to waste,
but I made sure to take what time I could to get Kate ready. Her and
James may yet be valuable pawns in what I must do, and they should at
least have a little sense in what's to come. Since James would just
think of 5 different nicknames for me before I get a word in edgewise, I
figure Kate would be more pleasing to talk to.
Despite her extensive history of running afoul from the law, and how it
was easy to leave her off the list, it is a bit easy to see why someone
like Jack, who's so desperate to fix and help any flawed person, would
be drawn to her. However, knowing how easy it is for her to also be
drawn to James, it's something I can easily work to my advantage. I just
have to set the stage here briefly, then get back to the people I really
need to see.
I finish my breakfast table at the beach well before she arrives, all
cleaned up just as Tom promised. Knowing how quick her reflexes are, I
ask her to put on handcuffs so she doesn't get any ideas. Once she does,
we begin.
"What did you do with Sawyer and Jack?" Ah, immediately an
opening. This may very well be the easiest part of the plan.
"Now why Sawyer? He's the first one you asked about. What did you
do with Sawyer and Jack?"
Instead of answering directly, she just counters with "You don't
know me." I wonder how many times I'll have to prove how
extensively I do know these people. I explain how we had to burn her
clothes, then she finally gets direct with me.
"Why did you bring me here? Why did you make me put on this dress?
Why are you feeding me breakfast?" I decide now's the right time to
let her know, then after that I really have to get going.
"I brought you here so you'd look out at the water and feel
comforted. Comforted that your friends were looking out at the same
ocean. I gave you the dress so you would feel like a lady. And I wanted
you to eat your food with a real live fork and feel civilized. I did all
those things so that you'd have something nice to hold onto...because
Kate, the next 2 weeks are going to be very unpleasant."
There, that should leave her frightened enough, and Danny can handle the
rest from there. We already have the cameras set up on the cages, so
I'll know everything if I need to be bothered. I leave Kate with Tom and
head to my temporary headquarters.
Once I head to my station, I make sure all the monitors work correctly,
then put on my glasses to watch the show. James is already trying to
outdo the polar bears with that fish game, and Karl is still trapped
just as I ordered. I briefly get my ire up when he escapes- but get a
bit of a thrill when it turns out Juliet stopped him perfectly. I'll
have to order that he get sent to a more private cell later.
It appears Juliet is playing her part perfectly, as she always does. She
was sure to read every intimate detail we had to Jack, so she knows
exactly how to deal with him- maybe even more so than I did back at the
hatch. If anyone can match me in all of the ways that have kept me alive
and strong, it's her.
Still....all that's happened in the past has cast so many different
feelings and doubts regarding her and me....
But that'll have to wait now. Jack actually got the drop on her.
I move quickly before they can get far, and I catch them just as he's
about to have the door opened. But only two of the three of us know what
a disaster that would be.
"She's telling the truth, Jack!" He turns and doesn't seem
fazed to see me in the least.
"I swear to God, I will kill her."
If someone like Kate or James or Sayid or Charlie or even Jin had been
in that position, I would have believed them. But I know Jack well
enough to call his bluff.
"Okay. Have her open the door and she dies anyway. We all do."
But instead, Jack calls me out and opens it anyway. Predictably, the
flooding starts instantly. I rush to get out of the way. And almost
without thinking, I shut the door before Juliet can follow me.
For the briefest of seconds, I consider reopening it for her...then I
remember she knows about the yellow button and how to fix this. And by
now, Jack'll realize he was caught in a mistake and he'll rush to save
her if anything else goes wrong. I am now confident that this will
result in nothing, and everything is still fine.
Just in case, I rush back to the monitors and quickly confirm that
they're fine- and it's Juliet dragging Jack back to his cell. I smile
and chuckle a bit at her resourcefulness. Like I thought, she knew
exactly what to do.
She might hold a grudge for a while, but she understands the larger
picture. And I have a sense she's used to me disappointing her by
now....so one more of those can't hurt that much.
I head over there one last time, after seeing that she has finally
broken him for now. Astonishingly, when she brought up his ex wife, he
didn't ask about her affair, after all that happened involving that in
the past. The fact his paranoia drove his father back to the bottle for
good was one of the deciding factors in why Jacob didn't put him on the
list. I'll have to talk with him later to confirm he's on board with
this.
At that point, she comes out one last time. I figure it couldn't hurt to
start with a compliment.
"Good work, Juliet."
"Thank you, Ben", she says in that almost cryptic fashion of
hers. What she could be thinking about me, and him, and the plan now, I
don't know...as much as I desired to.
But that would be a concern for another day. Today would serve as a
satisfactory start. Then again, that's what I said when the first plan
started....but things were different this time.
I head off to take care of anything else I haven't gotten to yet today.
Juliet continues her little treatment of Jack, even going so far as to
make him soup. I know we have to treat him with the utmost care so he'll
be in the right state of mind to do the surgery- but soup?
She meets me in the halls and I comment "You never made soup for
me." trying to say so in a witty, sarcastic like tone. But before I
see if that got anywhere, Colleen shows up.
"We have a situation. Brian radioed in. The Iraqi found the decoy
village." That's good news, and I say as much. That village was
hell to construct, but it pays off for situations exactly like this. Now
they know we're not "hillbillies" but have no other clues as
to what we really are, and that's how it must stay.
"Brian followed him back to the shore and they have a
sailboat."
That wasn't close to what I wanted.
"How?!" I ask almost a bit too forcefully. But it is a cause
for concern we don't need now.
Juliet thinks they'll just sail in circles, but Colleen says they could
find us, and I have to agree with her. If anyone could, it's Sayid- I
can't have him destroying my work again. And I know he has Sun with
her...she's going to be extremely important later on, but I can't worry
about her now.
I screwed up the last time by not paying attention to these little
problems before they became big ones. This time there's no margin for
error left- but how do I fix it? "Ben?"
"I'm thinking." I almost see Juliet smirk, as if she knows for
once, it's taking me a while to plan ahead. But eventually, the solution
comes to me. I order Colleen to put together a team, and she says it can
happen within the hour, which should work.
"Then don't waste time talking to me." Before she leaves, I
make extra sure she knows how important this is. "Hey, Colleen? I
want that boat."
I can only wait at the station for any word that might come in. While I
wait, I see how Kate and James are doing. As usual, they're carrying on
with their little flirting as Danny makes them work. There's a bit of
concern when James kisses her suddenly, then hits a few of my people
while they're distracted. Knowing what a wild card he is, I know this
could be genuine trouble.
But once again, Juliet saves the day by grabbing Kate at gunpoint, long
enough to subdue him. I make another note at how impressive she is under
pressure....and how I have to make plans to minimize the damage James
can do later.
Already too many loose ends are being opened up. Before another one
comes crashing down, I decide it's time to get to work.
Perhaps if Ethan hadn't made his mistakes and if Tom could have found
another way to take Walt, I wouldn't have to go through this much
trouble. I could have asked him nicely like a civilized person. But the
time for that was wasted weeks ago. He's become too affected in thinking
we're the bad guys to just do the surgery, no questions asked. If he
still believes the worst in us, then forcing him at gunpoint to do it
will end badly. Even if he agrees, he could very easily turn on me and
find a way to hold me hostage for his own ends. If he still believes I'm
evil, then there's less of a chance he'll do it, and then do it without
endangering my life first.
If it's going to work at all, he must believe in us. And the only way to
do that now, and ensure he'll take good care of me when he does it, is
to play these games with him.
It doesn't take me long to think of the best way to start. When that's
all set up, I head into his cell. He doesn't respond to my greeting, so
I start out by pointing out the obvious irony.
"You know what's crazy, Jack? A week ago, you and I were in exactly
the opposite situation. I was the one locked up and you were the one
coming in for visits. And I know that you were angry that I lied to you
about who I was but....hell, do you blame me?" He's free to do that
now, but not for much longer. When he doesn't answer, I feel free to
drive the point home.
"I mean, let's face it, if I had told you I was one of those people
that you and your friends have been calling Others all this time, it
would have been right back to Sayid and his....fists. Wouldn't it?"
He doesn't even bother to deny it, which by now doesn't surprise me.
"What do you want from me?" Since I can't say quite yet that I
need him to save my life, I start with the process of making him want to
save my life.
"I want for you to change your perspective. And, the first step in
doing that would be for me to be decent enough to introduce myself
honestly." I put on my best greeting smile and hold out my hand,
ready to tell him who I really am, and a very key point as to what I am.
"Hi...my name is Benjamin Linus, and I've lived on this island all
my life."
Jack doesn't seen to share my eagerness to clean the slate.
"You're not going to shake?" I smile a little bit more, before
it's clear he wants nothing to do with me yet. With that, I decide it's
time to end the pleasantries. "Bring it in, please!"
He asks me about Kate and James, and I assure him they're fine- at least
I know Kate is. It's really all I want to tell him about them right now.
So I allow myself to get right to the point.
"I'm going to make this really simple, Jack. If you cooperate, we
send you home."
"Cooperate with what?" Knowing it's not the right time to
answer him, I deflect his question the best way I can.
"When the time comes, I'll tell you."
"You tell me now."
"Patience, Jack. Patience." As hard as it is for me to be
patient, knowing how little time I may or may not have, I have to make
him do better at that virtue so this can move along smoother.
I confirm for him that I sent Michael and Walt home, although I haven't
checked on their progress in sometime. He then points out that we could
leave the island....although we have seen signs lately that
communication has been down for some reason. I remember that I must meet
with Mikhail first thing tomorrow to get to the bottom of that, then I
move on.
"You're stuck here just like we are. You don't have any-" But
we do, and now it's time he knows about it. I give him all the key
details that he's missed out on during his time here.
"Your flight crashed on September 22nd, 2004. Today is November
29th. That means you've been on our island for 69 days and yes, we do
have contact with the outside world, Jack. That's how we know that
during those 69 days your fellow Americans re-elected George W. Bush as
their President; Christopher Reeve has passed away..." I pause
before I deliver the most important fact. "The Boston Red Sox won
the World Series..." Perhaps it's not all that surprising that Jack
laughs at that at first- although I don't watch a lot of baseball, I
know enough to know how unbelievable their ordeals were.
But fortunately, that's why I have the tape to prove it, and I signal
that it be played from behind the glass barrier.
Knowing how his father commented over and over about how the Sox would
never win the Series, I knew this would bring back enough memories in
Jack to get to him. When the final play was finished, I make an effort
to go for the throat, to coin one of those sporting terms.
"That's home, Jack. Right there, on the other side of that glass.
And if you listen to me, if you trust me, if you do what I tell you when
the time comes....I'll take you there. I will take you home."
He just stays still, watching the monitor and letting whatever thoughts
of home go through his mind.
I know I've got his interest now, and that means half the battle is won.
Now the other half looks a little more easier to accomplish.
Now if Colleen is able to return by the end of the day and tell me they
have the boat....that would cap a perfect day. But even so, it'll be
relieving to see her again with that news whenever she gets back.
I leave Jack alone with his thoughts, confident I've finally turned a
corner.
She's been in Jack's cell as often as possible, so I hope she's there
now. Because I don't have time to go searching this whole station for
her- not with the news I got.
The sooner we get her, the sooner Colleen will be okay.
"Juliet, I need you!" once I find her exactly where I thought
she'd be. She breaks away from Jack, but for once, I don't want to pay
him any mind.
I get Juliet to find Tom and the others and prep Colleen for surgery.
From what they told me, they're going to have to do a lot of work on
her. How was she caught off guard like this? And which one of them did
this to her?
I sit back in front of the monitors to clear my head. In the process, I
get a glimpse of Kate and James in their cage- with James saying rather
disturbing things.
"Next time someone comes to pull me out...I'm going to wait until
they step into my little swimming hole. Then I grab them. Zap! They fall
back from the shock, I snag the keys. Bet the bears never thought of
that."
"You're both going to get electrocuted." I hear Kate say accurately.
"Yeah but I've felt the jolt. I can take it. But the other guy...he
ain't going to be ready for it. What, you think I'm crazy?"
So he thinks he can commit an escape attempt while one of us is fighting
for her life....only a con man has that kind of sick mentality.
And now I have to deal with this after one of them may have killed one
of us- again?!
Not this time. This time I'm going to do something substantial about it.
They will not get away with near murder and ruin all my plans at the
same time.
I make an extra note of what he plans to do, then when I know Tom and
everyone else has got Colleen comfortable, we start putting a plan
together.
The only way to break a con man is to do so with a con of our own.
When it's all set, I head out to his cage, just as he hoped I would.
First I get the virtual information I need.
It takes me a while to get that he's 180 pounds and 35, but I move quick
to make up for lost time. He then tries to get me shocked as planed, but
he's missing one vital piece of his plan- the electricity.
"What did you do?"
"We turned it off."
I can't lie to myself and say I didn't feel some joy in being the one to
give out pain to one of them, instead of the other way around like
always. But unlike someone who might enjoy it far too long, like Danny
might in the future, I let myself feel that way for just a moment. In
any case, it's long enough to get part 1 of this thing done.
Part 2 comes after we drag James inside and strap him down to the table.
While we have time, Tom brings up the issue of our communication
problem.
"...2 days since the sky turned purple, we've been blind, our
comm's are all down and I can't get them back up again." I hope he
realizes I have enough trouble dealing with two things at a time, let
alone three. "And in case you forgot Colleen's in critical..."
"Juliet's taking care of her", I say as calmly as I still can.
James then wakes up right on time.
Jason gives him the stick to bite down, and we get to work with the
needles. They've always made me feel nervous and a bit queasy- but if
that's how they make me feel, then I can imagine it would have the same
effect on James, and it seems I'm right. Though it takes them a while to
remember how this went in some violent movie from the outside world, my
colleagues get the job done.
We wait till the pain from the injection subsides, and move on to phase
3. I usually don't go for these kind of...over the top theatrics, but I
want this to work and work very fast. I should be back seeing Juliet
prepare for surgery by now, so I'll pretend to kill this bunny as quick
as possible.
I shake the cage and make all kind of noises to go along with it, to completely
sell him on this. Once that's done, I move on to telling him what he
needs to think we've done.
"You know what a pacemaker is? They stick them in the tickers of
people who've had bypass work who's hearts need just a little jump.
A...kick start. The rabbit had a small pacemaker set to deliver it's
kick start should it get too excited. Or anxious or frightened. Or
should it try to escape." I keep going while putting on our prop
watch.
"Which is how I know that you're going to start behaving now. The
watch monitors your pulse. If you get within 15 beats of your danger
zone it'll start to beep. If and when it beeps you're going to want to
relax yourself. Do some deep breathing. Some yoga."
"If you want me dead why don't you just shoot me and get it over
with." He would know something about shooting someone, as would a
few others he knows.
"Because we're not killers, James." At least one thing in this
little show is true. "Oh, and one other thing. Kate. You tell her
what we did. What we put in you, that we're watching you. You tell her
any of these things...we'll put one in her too."
Threatening Kate should surely be enough to keep him quiet once and for
all. Now that I know he'll be much more careful, I can send him back and
not have to worry about him for a while.
Soon I get near the surgery room, and await for Juliet to get there and
begin. She gets there soon enough- but she's not alone.
I wanted Jack in here eventually, but not now. And she knew that!
"Have you lost your mind? You bring him here!"
"He's a doctor. He can help." Yes he can, but not yet. We're
far from done with him before he can be trusted.
"Well, this is not why..."
"Do you want her to die?" I sigh in that way where I'm
frustrated to know she's right. I let her go in with him...at the least,
it's probably time to see what he can do in person.
Sadly, it's not quite enough.
I close my eyes and bow my head for a bit before I hear Danny storm out,
undoubtly to take this out on James. I'll clear up whatever damage he
does in the morning.
"You know Danny wants to kill him." Tom points out as we watch
the monitor, after Kate declines to escape.
"Danny can wait." I just hope we can hold him off long enough.
At this point, I feel a bit doubtful.
I let Juliet continue to talk with Jack for a while, then I head off to
get some rest. I still have a very busy morning to finish planning.
I wake James up the next morning, confident he's still not hurt enough
to go on a walk. We get up to the top of the rock ridge, close enough to
what I want to show him.
"What's up there?"
"Something I want you to see."
"Is it that little place you always wanted George?" I think I
know what he's referring to, but it's a bit early in the morning to
fully recall. "What, don't you read? It's from "Of Mice and
Men". You'd like it. Puppies get killed." I roll my eyes a bit
before we walk further, and the watch beeps as I expected.
"Bring me up here to kill me. Make that thing you put inside me
blow up my damned heart?" Now let's see how he reacts on being on
the other end of one of these moments.
"Your hearts not going to blow up James. The only thing we put
inside you was doubt. Oh, the watch is a heart rate monitor, nothing
more." I then pull out the next prop and pet it for a bit.
"Look. We gave him a sedative, not a pacemaker."
"How do I know that's the same bunny? That you didn't just paint an
8 on another one." I don't have the time to go over any proof, so I
just say "You don't" to move things along.
After he moves things along with a punch to the face, I get up calmly.
His punch wasn't even one of the strongest I've ever felt, so this
shouldn't take long to fix when I get back.
"The rabbit wasn't the thing I wanted to show you."
Once I'm sure my mouth isn't bleeding too bad, I take him to a view of
my real home.
"You ever been to Alcatraz? Take the tour? Right now you're
standing on a small island roughly twice the size of Alcatraz. And that
over there? That's your island, the one you've come to know and love. I
just wanted you to know....there's nowhere to run."
The confused look on his face is priceless. Nothing better than seeing
someone like him go down via his own game.
"You did all this just to...just to keep me in a damned cage?"
"We did all this because the only way to gain a con man's respect
is to con him. And you're pretty good...Sawyer. We're a lot
better." I almost let myself laugh a bit at my little joke, and
then about the obvious thing I discovered about him through all this.
"Funny thing is, us telling you about the pace maker wasn't what
kept you in line. It was when I threatened her. You work so hard to make
her think you don't care. That you don't need her."
"A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. It don't make no
difference who the guy is, long as he's with you. I tell ya. I tell
ya...a guy gets too lonely and he gets sick." It's never too early
for Steinbeck's way with prose.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"It's from "Of Mice and Men". Don't you read?" I
almost have a hard time keeping the laugh to myself. "Come on.
Let's get you back to your cage."
Well, that was simple for such a complicated plan. He won't insist on
running again, and his silence will eventually break Kate too. I have
those two right about where I need them to be.
Now I can put them out of my mind for a while. Instead, I can focus on
cleaning out my mouth first, and then preparing for the funeral...
God, I hate having to wear these garments. Hopefully this'll be the last
time for a while. At the least, it will be a long time before people
have to wear this for my funeral....fortunately, that's still within the
realm of possibility.
Jack could stand to learn a lesson about how well we remember and take
care of our own. So I head to the cell to invite him.
"I was hoping you might join me for a walk." His laughter is
not what I was looking for. "What?"
"Well, you say that like...you're not going to just throw a bag
over my head and drag me out of here if I say no." Of course there
was a simple way to avoid that.
"Then don't say no. Why don't you put this on." I throw him
the spare funeral clothes we had lying around. "I'll wait
outside."
"Does it hurt?" Now what's he trying to get at?
"Your neck, does it hurt? Any numbness in your fingers and toes
like pins and needles when your foot falls asleep, but permanent?"
This line of questioning is getting too dangerous for me...."Why
are you asking me these questions, Jack?"
"Because, Ben, you have a tumor on your spine."
What the hell....
"An aggressive tumor...that...is going to kill you."
Just what did he do while he was in that room....?!
"I don't know when those x-rays were taken that I saw, but unless
they were very recent...you're not going to be taking walks much
longer."
I have to work harder than I ever have in my life to hide the feelings
of anger, sadness, and pure frustration I have right now. Has he just
ensured that I have less and less hope of coming out of this alive?
I can only try to keep this up for as long as I can.
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Ok. My mistake then." It's clear how sarcastic he's being
right now, as he finishes getting dressed. "I'm ready whenever you
are."
When we get to the beach and Colleen's body, I order Jack to stay at a
distance. As much as Jack may have damaged every one of my hopes, I
still have to give her a proper farewell.
My statements are suitable enough to give her respect- I just wish I was
able to give her my full attention as this point. Once the song plays in
the background as we cast her out into the ocean forever, I head to find
Juliet as soon as possible.
"Why did you show him my x-rays?" I know she couldn't have
enough anger at me to do this....could she?
"I didn't tell him they were yours. But I guess you did."
I can't think straight enough to avoid letting her have the last word
this time.
This was supposed to work!
It wasn't supposed to happen this way....he wasn't supposed to know
about this until after he was on my side!
Now either he'll refuse to do it after we threaten him, or he'll do it
and not be at his best. At his best, he's stubborn and moral enough to
do anything to fix a patient, or people in general. If he's working on
someone he still hates, he won't try his hardest. That may mean he'll
make a mistake....or he might purposely hurt me to bargain his way out
of here.
How can I trust him to save my life when all those things could still go
wrong?
Now he's left me no choice but to try anyway.
I don't know how I can convince him to do it while he still hates me,
but I have to grasp at all the straws I can.
I bring myself to start the next morning.
Juliet is there with him again, as if the plan is still going on. After
I ask to cite "Doctor patient confidentiality" she leaves me
with him.
"We had such a wonderful plan to break you, Jack. Wear you down
till you were convinced we weren't your enemies. Get you to trust us.
And then of course we'd lead you to believe that you were choosing to
do...whatever we asked you to do. All of this of course assumed that you
would get...invested."
"Invested in what?"
"Has it not occurred to you that Juliet bears a striking
resemblance to your ex-wife?" It barely occurred to me myself- his
ex wife wasn't nearly up to Juliet's caliber. But like I said, I'm
grasping at any possible straws imaginable, anything that could really
get to the man.
"Why are you telling me this?" Apparently that didn't work so
well, as I almost expected. So I just come out with my annoyance.
"I'm telling you this, Jack, because my wonderful plan...got shot
to sunshine when you saw my damned x-rays and figured out I was
dying."
"All of this...you brought me here to operate on you. You...you
want me to save your life."
"No, I want you to want to save my life!"
But that's not going to happen now. I have no choice left but to just
risk it and hope for the best. No plans are getting me out of this one.
I'm just gonna have to hope he's as much of a good guy as he's been
hyped to be, and trust him not to be underhanded.
"But we're beyond that now, so...all I can ask is that you think
about it." I'm going to have to give him some time before I come
back. But I want to leave with at least one more thing he can think
about.
"Do you believe in God, Jack?" Knowing full well about his
hatred of John's faith, that may or may not be the case. But better to
risk it in case that results in something.
"Do you?" So I decide to tell him the one thing that has
filled me with hope all this time.
"Two days after I found out I had a fatal tumor on my spine...a
spinal surgeon fell out of the sky. And if that's not proof of God, I
don't know what is."
If He still has another helping hand left for me, now would be the right
time to show it....
My faith seems to have gotten me to the first big step- getting Jack to
see my x-rays and analyze them for himself. At least now I may have a
better idea of how much time I have.
"The tumor on your spine is borderline inoperable and at the rate
it's going that borderline goes away in about 1 week." So the
stories on Jack's legendary lack of bedside manner are true.
"The OR we were in, is that fully equipped?" Juliet assures
him we have the best facilities possible.
"You need to be in surgery yesterday."
Well, the fact that it's that urgent must make it a big challenge- and
that's certainly something Jack could never turn down. Now I just need
to assure him he'll have no more interference from us, and I think
that'll be it.
"Alright, then. Whatever you need, it's yours. I'm ready." I
take a breath, feeling truly ready to go at long last.
But now he's laughing again...
"No, I think you misunderstood me. I didn't say I was gonna do it.
I just wanted you to understand how you're gonna die."
Now he's going into one of his righteous moods....that means this cannot
end well.
"You think I believe you people? You think I trust you, that I'm
gonna just do the surgery and hope that you let me go?!"
And he thinks it's all our faults I had to go that far for him to trust
me. Our battles and problems are just as much their fault as it is ours.
Their hands are a lot more bloody than ours anyway, We never killed any
of them, they're the ones that killed our people and actually pulled the
trigger on each other. And he dares to still think we're liars?
I'm about to finally tell him off and let him know about a few things he
doesn't know, to show him how wrong he is and how arrogant he's being.
But when Juliet tries to get through to him and Jack snaps and throws
the x-rays....I can tell he's in no mood to hear anything.
Nothing's gonna get through to him now. Just as I thought, his hubris
and inability to see all sides won't let him help me. Exactly what I
feared would happen if we didn't bring him to our side first.
"Well Jack, I'm very disappointed in your decision."
"Well Ben, at least you won't have to be disappointed for very
long."
It takes all the remaining energy I still have to not yell at him.
Fortunately, by the time my fury goes away, Juliet comes up with another
possible plan. It's finally time to use Kate and James to force him into
action, and I agree. And with Danny itching to kill James at the first
possible moment, it looks like we might have something.
I sit back at the monitors as Juliet goes outside to see Kate. She joins
me just as Kate gets to the other side of Jack's cell and sees him for
the first time in days.
Jack won't do it for me, but there's no way she wouldn't do it for Kate.
Even if she's doing so in hopes of saving the other man she loves. Let's
hope she isn't driven to give that away yet.
She eventually asks him to do it, but it certainly can't help that she's
already crying. Now he's just asking over and over what happened to her,
instead of hearing her out about the surgery.
"What did they offer you?! What are you doing here?!"
Finally, she breaks too soon. "They're gonna kill Sawyer!"
She continues her blubbering- for someone who's supposed to be so strong
and tough and able to fend for herself, she sure has let herself turn
into a boy obsessed woman quickly. "I'm so sorry, but she said that
if you do it and you do it soon they'll let us go...."
"And you believed them?"
I sink back into the chair. All this failure would get borderline funny
if it wasn't for the fact it might kill me.
"We're done here. We're done in here!"
With a deep frown, I order Juliet to take Kate out of there.
I rack my brain over and over for one last possible play, one last thing
I haven't thought of yet. I thought on my feet to save my life before,
and in far more war like situations, so why can't I do it now?!
I only stare at Kate and James back in their cages as I continue to
think. Then I watch Kate climb out of her cage again, still thinking she
has a chance to just run out of here. By now, I no longer care...unless
I can find any other way to make them force Jack into it, I don't need
them anymore.
....and then it all changes when I see them making out....and then doing
more.
Suddenly, the most desperate, crazy solution I've ever thought of comes
up...but desperate may be the only thing left that works.
I arrange things so that Jack can leave his cage, and find himself in
just the right place to see my monitors. On the off chance James is the
snuggling type after all, they should still be in the afterglow of their
act.
And if he finds them in that spot, he'll either be ready to kill the
first thing he sees (i.e., me...) or be so desperate to get away from
her, and the heartbreak she caused, that he'll do the surgery and take
the deal.
When I find him watching the monitor, I have no choice but to test this
theory personally.
"If it helps, I was surprised too. If I were a betting man, I would
have picked her and you."
Jack points the gun at me. It appears the odds of him taking the
"kill me now" option have gone up. But I've faced death for so
long, through both the cancer and their threats, that I'm honestly not
fazed by now.
At this point, I almost welcome the chance for this to be settled now
and get the suspense over with. The fear of death just isn't startling
enough anymore.
"Well, I suppose this would be the proverbial nail in my coffin,
wouldn't it?" I wait for him to get the shot off, not even
bothering to say any silent goodbyes this time. If it's gonna happen,
then just let it happen already without drawing this out...
"Tomorrow"
"Sorry?"
"Tomorrow morning, first thing. And everything I've mentioned
before, the instruments, the anesthesia, and someone who can hold a damn
clamp."
That old last minute light at the end of the tunnel has shown up again.
"Yes, of course" as I let myself be relieved and happy inside,
though I don't dare let Jack see any of that.
"I'll get it out... your tumor... and I'll keep you alive. But I
need your word. I need what you promised me before. I need to get the
hell off this island."
Whether I really can afford to let him go after this....I'll worry about
this when it happens. For now, I just don't care.
"Done."
The next day, I'm just about all set on the table. Jack appears to have
set things up well. I make sure to double check his state of mind
anyway. "You get nervous... before you do surgery?"
"I used to, but not any more. No." Ah yes, the details of his
first surgery come to mind.
I then state the absolute obvious. "Whatever happens, everything
will be very different, won't it?"
"No doubt about it."
Well, I guess that's everything....except for one last thing. I only
want to know what my daughter last thoughts are at this point, then
there'll be no loose ends left.
"Juliet, did Alex ask about me?"
"No. We took her home last night. I don't know where she is
now."
If Jack does his job right, I can see her again and reassure her that
everything will be okay. She'll go on about Karl, of course, but even
she should know why she should forget about him by now.
But....no need to dwell on the negative now. This is it...and after
everything I've done to get to this point, I feel entitled to relax.
"Well, see you on the other side....I'm ready."
Indeed I am...I feel almost confident that if I could survive all of my
life's trouble thus far, all the heartache, all the violence, all the
successful and failed plans...this will be so much easier by comparison.
And I'd rather go out feeling calm and content than the alternative.
20...19...18...
Off I go...
"Is it true?"
Tom?
"Is what true?"
Jack?
Where am I?
Is this....still the ER?
And I'm staring down at the floor just as I was when I went under...
"What you said. Did Juliet really ask you to kill him?"
.....what?
"Yeah."
Oh....oh God...that shouldn't make so much sense, but...considering
everything...maybe it does...
"And in about 40 minutes, she's gonna get her wish."
She loves her sister so much that she'd kill me for her? After
everything I've given her?! I never thought she was that far gone...
....well, I don't know how I can hear all this, but it appears I only
have 40 minutes to fill in the rest.
"Hey..."
I can barely move my mouth right now, but it's enough to get Tom and
Jack's attention.
"That's...not...helping. Anything."
There's only a few things that can help me now....including the person
that wanted me dead.
"Now. Could somebody...please get Juliet?"
As Tom goes to get her, Jack explains what I didn't already figure out.
Cutting into my kidneys so Kate and James could escape....fiendishly
clever. I should have known he'd know how to do that....and that's
exactly why he needed to be one of us first. So he'd care about me
enough not to do something like this. That's what this whole kidnapping
plan was designed to eliminate, that very possibility.
And now, I let my hopes for being saved cloud my judgment too much.
I suspected Jack could be capable of that...but Juliet...
...if she really told him he didn't have to save my life, and she would
protect him..
Jack is therefore just as gullible as I was.
Maybe she never cared for this island, or any of us, or me as much as I
wanted her too...and perhaps she never will.
I was so worried about Jack that I never believed she would be so
callous with my life...no matter how many fights or disagreements we may
have had, I never thought she could be capable of this. None of us
did...her files said she never had one violent incident before she came
here.
And now she has me on the ropes, at her mercy with her proxy, Jack...
Even now, a part of me admires how she did this, along with the part of
me filled with betrayal and anger.
According to Jack, I only have 27 minutes left. So fighting with her and
him isn't going to get me out of this.
It appears there's only one thing I can do.
She got me, all right.
Now I have to give her what she wants the most...or at least think she's
got it.
It's the only way, and after this, I really shouldn't be so upset about
it...letting her go.
Whether I can really do that or not is something I'll have to consider
later...for now, I just have to convince her I'll do it, get her to make
Jack save me, and when it's done, I'll think of what to do next.
But aside from that....she's truly defeated me.
For now....
"I'd like to speak to Juliet alone please, Jack." I ask when I
see Tom come in with her.
"No...no, I'm sorry."
"Please, I'm asking you. One gentleman to another. Won't hurt you
to give me 3 minutes, will it? Knowing I have only have 27 left?"
It's still a bit hard to get these words out, but I'll only need to do
so for a few more minutes.
After Jack warns Juliet [perhaps wisely] not to touch me, they leave us
alone.
And with that, I tell her everything she's wanted to hear for a long
time.
That she can finally go home, that she never has to see me again, that
she has to leave the best possible home she could ever have, that she
has to leave us behind and no longer care about the people that have
taken such care of her....it is quite distasteful, but I force myself to
do it and sound sincere.
She cries, probably not because she feels guilty about doing this to me.
I should make her cry as much as possible for this....but there's still
that part of me that wishes I didn't have to do that. Jack probably
can't cut that away.
And even if the orders come through and Jack does what I tell Juliet to
make him do....my earlier prediction was right. Nothing will ever be the
same.
I tell her to go and I barely bother to look at her as she leaves my
sight for what may be the last time, if Jack isn't good enough.
Jack...did he have something to do with turning her? I never did bother
to hear a lot of what they were really talking about.
But I have to worry about that later, not now. Jack comes back inside,
and looks ready to put me under again.
Once more I count down before I lose consciousness.
This time, I am not calm when doing it.
This time, I have such a mix of regret and vengefulness in me...
Juliet...what did I do to create this kind of monster in you?
What did you do to yourself to let it grow...
What did he do....
Lying here all day is starting to get very old, but that's all I've been
able to do since the surgery. They said Jack fixed me, but I don't call
not being able to move my legs or toes the kind of fixing I wanted. I
don't even know if he'll bother to show up again to check on me. All I
know is I still don't feel well, Isabel has begun trying Juliet for her
attempt on my life and how she got to kill Danny instead- so that's
making me feel worse emotionally.
They'll kill her, no question about that. Days ago I never would have
allowed it- but if she would allow it for me, why should I still give
her that protection?
I wish something would come along to make me feel more comfortable about
not giving it.
Ah well, I might as well relax and let Ivan inject me with the latest
sample.
"I wouldn't do that!"
So....he has bothered to come back and see his handiwork.
"The cavalry has arrived at last." At least I still have my
sense of humor through all this. He signals Ivan away and looks at me.
"I'd be much more impressed with you people if you had a good
surgeon."
Of course...I'm more fragile than ever, and he takes the time to remind
me of a dead friend. Smooth way to do a conversation, really.
"We had an excellent surgeon, Jack. His name was Ethan." Not
expecting him to comment on that and his role in what happened to him, I
just let him examine me more.
"You've got a very serious infection, Ben. That infected tissue
needs to be reincised, debreeded, and you need to be very closely
monitored from here on out. There might be nerve damage or any number of
other complications. You might not walk again."
I wish I could say this surprises me, but so many unpleasant events have
been happening this week, I'm almost numb to it now.
"Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired, Jack."
which I know many people have told him before, to no real effect.
"Well, then it's too bad you're stuck with me." Stuck....let's
see where this is going. "Am I?"
"You need a doctor, Ben, someone to stay with you... bring you back
to good health."
Of course...I wonder why he's suddenly thought to be caring towards me
now? So it appears I've staved off death just to be in a wheelchair
forever, like John thought he would be....and to be subject to the same
old blackmail Jack did to me when this all started.
"And here we go again...." I say, wishing I could shake my
head at that without feeling more pain. "I've already given you a
ticket off this island, Jack. What's it going to cost me this
time?"
"Right now, you're people are in a room deciding whether or not to
execute Juliet. You're going to stop it."
Even after all this, he actually cares enough about her to keep her
alive. Is he trying to show me up or something. To point out how I, who
knows her better than anyone in the world, should want to let her live,
given that someone who knew her for days wants to?
He is a smart man sometimes, I'll give him that.
But still, to let her remain unpunished for all she did to me, for
killing Danny, and all that her actions could have done to hurt the
stability of our community? If Jack really wants to save her, he'll have
to give a better answer as to why.
"Juliet doesn't care about you, Jack. It doesn't matter what she's
done. No matter what you think... she's one of us."
Does she really deserve a second chance to prove it?
Then again, with what she forced me to promise at the ER, it may not
make a difference any longer....
"Do we have a deal or not?"
With as much brain power as I still have left, I make the decision.
If only out of appreciation for what we did have before, I'll let her
live....but fortunately, there is a less severe way to make her remember
what she did to us.
"Does Isabel have a walkie?" Alex answers that they're in a
meeting- to think in all this, I forgot she was here until now. I hope
the damn drugs aren't doing anything to my memory.
I ask for something to write on, and I write down my orders to Isabel.
After that, Jack and Alex leave to have it carried out. Hopefully Jack
is in too much of a hurry to read about how she'll be marked.
I lie down, the only thing I can still do. So Juliet will stay among us
for a while longer....now the only question is, do I want her to stay
because I still care for her, or because allowing her and Jack to leave
as I promised will destroy my credibility?
Fortunately, we're going home soon, so I hopefully have enough time to
think of something. If I can pull out miraculous ideas and strategies on
the brink of death, I can certainly do it without the ability to walk...
....at least, that's how it had better work, for my sake and
stability....
I've been getting used to being paralyzed and using this chair for a few
days now....but this is the first time I've ever felt this physically
sick.
Jack's just come back from playing catch with Tom, all smiles and grins.
Of course that can't be genuine- he's obviously been trying to suck up
to us since we got here, so I have more pressure on me to keep my word.
The same goes for Juliet as well- they've really outdone even me in this
kind of thing.
